Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize