Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
