And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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