I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
