So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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