just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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