I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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