theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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