So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
