The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
