I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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