no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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