like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
