wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
