I murdered the dance floor call the cops
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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