If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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