And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
