i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
