Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
