Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
