Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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