If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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