She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
