I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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