Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
