she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
