Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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