she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
