you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
