I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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