distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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