I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
