somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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