I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
