Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
