I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
