Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
