All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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