do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
