weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
where are you?
Hypothermia
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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