I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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