So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
