I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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