nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
