i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
