I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I want is dick and wine.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
