Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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