he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
