i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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