i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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