You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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