i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
