i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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