Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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