Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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