So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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