Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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