In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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