Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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