forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
