He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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