I want to stick my p in your. b.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
whose parrot is this?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
