The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
