we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
