Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
