You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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