You work out of a Hotel?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
