At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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