Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
