on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
