My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
