literally had 100 drinks last night.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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