Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
