Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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