he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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