your parents love me but you hate me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My dick has a subreddit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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