I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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