I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
