I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just high enough for therapy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
