Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
