kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
