I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
