My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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